For whatever reason, we love combining words. Everyone knows celebrity couples such as Bennifer, Brangelina, and even TomKat. But the trend goes back further and actually has a name—portmanteau, which was first coined by Lewis Carroll in “Through the Looking Glass” in 1871.
In the fitness world, combining two words has been a surefire way to market a new form of exercise or specialized class. The most recent example is “broga,” a yoga class geared to men that started up last year in the Boston area. Soon after discovering that specialized practice, we read about “snowga“—yes, yoga taught on the slopes for skiers and snowboarders.
Given the popularity of both yoga and portmanteau-ing, we thought we’d get ahead of the trend and attempt to be first to market with a number of exciting new forms of the discipline.
POGA – We all loved our pogo sticks when we were kids and poga taps into our inner child with the goal of finding that perfect synchronicity of bouncing up and down in perfect harmony with our yoga partners.
STOGA – This form can only be taught in public parks and other wide-open spaces. Stoga combines fans of cigars with the ancient discipline and teaches a new way of deep breathing without fully inhaling.
BLOWGA – Chew, chew, chew your way to a more toned and lithe body! Featuring postures such as Bazooka and Hubba Bubba, blowga is great for people with cranky backs as blowing bubbles helps to stretch and lengthen one’s spine and neck.
YOYOGA – In this class, you’ll learn the secrets behind such moves as “walking the downward dog” with the goal of becoming one with the string. Advanced practitioners will master the headstand pose in which the yo-yo actually travels “up.”
THROGA – Recommended as a training method for Ultimate Frisbee squads, throga is the most social of all our group classes. The flying disc acts as a metaphor and reminds us that only via coordinated efforts with all who surround us are we successful.
We plan to license any and all of these concepts for a release of DVDs, personalized yoga mats, vacation retreats, beer cozies, personalized fragrances, diaper bags, Ford F-150 mud flaps, Saturday morning cartoons, chain restaurants, and celebrity endorsements (get Brangelina on the phone!). Because it’s all about the “cashoga,” right?
We can’t say “thank you!” enough to Mike from Stick Figure Simple for his wonderful drawings. If you love his style, please contact him and pay him lots of money to commission some work.
(Editor’s note: There are a handful of companies that already use the “yoyoga” name for their business. We wish them the best. Also, a group of Moms has been gathering on Monday nights and getting stoned and doing yoga—yes, stoga—and we wish them the best also.)