What’s the hottest thing going in fitness right now? It’s Zumba, the Latin-flavored, high-energy exercise routine that uses a propulsive beat to get a room full of gym members dripping with sweat.
And what’s the hottest trend in pop culture at the moment? The only one possible answer is, of course … zombies!
Need proof? AMC’s “The Walking Dead” premiered to 11 million viewers earlier this season, higher ratings than most network television series got … the mobile game “Plants vs. Zombies” is a top seller in the iTunes App Store … and “World War Z” starring Brad Pitt in a movie about a zombie apocalypse is one of the most anticipated films of the upcoming holiday season.
So the obvious next step is to combine the two together into … Zomba!
Trust me when I say I’ve already got the intellectual property lawyers working on a trademark and the clothing designers working on a line of heavily distressed and shredded athletic wear. But, Greg, you’re saying, I’m prepared to hand over fistfuls of my money, but first, what exactly takes place during a Zomba workout? I’m glad you asked …
We all need to be in the best shape possible for when the zombie apocalypse comes. Unlike Zumba which aims to build your cardio capacity, Zomba works to improve endurance and strength. We all know zombies don’t move very fast, so there’s no need to focus on sprints and dashes. All that will do is tire you out and leave you vulnerable to a surprise attack while you pause to catch your breath.
A Zomba class features treadmills set at a pace of five miles per hour. This will condition you to a slow jog or fast walking pace and let you build up your muscles to cover as much ground as possible so you can get to an abandoned prison before the zombies get to you. While on the treadmill, you’ll be using small barbells and heavy sticks and work on arm and shoulder strength so that you’ll be able to repeatedly hack away at the undead using hatchets, axes, cleavers, and other sharp, heavy objects.
Music is such an important component of Zumba and we don’t ignore the soundtrack in Zomba either. During the zombie apocalypse, you will likely be suffering from a certain amount of emotional trauma as friends and loved ones attempt to eat you. So Zomba class uses an eclectic mix of noise rock, industrial, and grind core songs all remixed to include the droning chant of “BRRRRAAAAAAIIIINNNNSSSSSS!!” as lyrical accompaniment. Our instructors feel this is the best environment to attempt to accurately ¬†capture the experience the lucky survivors will have in their near future.
Halloween may be over, but the zombies will live forever. If you’re not ready when the dead rise up, you’ll only have yourself to blame. Check your local listings for a Zomba class near you. If you want to keep your brains, you better use ‘em and sign up for a class today!
Previously on The Reluctant Hubby: “Hips Don’t Lie”
photo credit: mebrett