How to Put on a Sports Bra

How to get that darn thing on!

Our first ever guest post had me snorting with laughter.  Since I’m, um, a girl with curves, I heartily related to this post.  I immediately wrote Anna for her permission to bring it here and she agreed.  :-)  Please also check out her great blog, Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder.

How to Put On a Sports Bra

by Anna Lefler

1. Approach the sports bra with confidence, secure in the belief that you will wear it.

2. Holding the sports bra open by its bottom edge, peer into it and locate the medium-sized opening in the center of the cavity. This is your target.

3. Take a moment to ask yourself the following questions:

A. Am I naked from the waist up? B. Have I removed my glasses?

If the answer to either is “no,” make the necessary adjustments and return to Step 1.

4. Snake your right arm through the right armhole as far as it will go. Repeat for left arm and left armhole.

5. Assume power stance: feet shoulder-width apart and knees slightly bent. Hook your thumbs into the sports bra’s bottom-edge elastic and pull it out in front of you as far as possible. (Note: do not let go.)

6. In one, deft motion, pull the elastic toward you and over your head. If you have martial arts training, this would be the time to release your battle cry, or kiai.

7. You should now be standing with arms pointing skyward, the sports bra encircling you at chin level, binding your biceps to your ears.

8. Remain calm. Visualize yourself wearing the sports bra while engaged in a pleasant activity, such as not watching Jersey Shore.

9. Cross your arms in front of your face, grasp the bottom of the sports bra and begin tugging it down to your chest. This process should take 2-25 minutes and can be streamlined by the removal of one of your arms (advanced yoga practitioners only).

10. If you have followed steps 1-9 correctly, the sports bra is now strapped across the rise of your bosom, compressing the breasts downward to the point that you can see your pulse in your areolas.

11. Resume power stance (see Step 5). Holding firmly to the bottom edge of the sports bra, pull it away from your body in a downward arc until it grazes your kneecaps. Then, with a scraping motion, drag the sports bra upward along the front of your body, capturing all excess flesh in its path.

12. When the bottom elastic reaches the desired altitude on your rib cage, release it. Then, while holding the top of the sports bra away from your body with one hand, plunge the other hand into the sports bra to distribute and align its contents, which should include both of your breasts.

Note: If you are unable to locate two (2) breasts in the sports bra, do not become alarmed as they are likely nearby. Remove the sports bra (see “How to Take Off a Sports Bra”) and return to Step 1 of these instructions.

Thank you Anna for sharing with us and I also originally found this post at McSweeney’s another great internet source. You can follow Anna on twitter @AnnaLefler.

By the way I have two great sources for sports bras, Title Nine and Athleta.  Also feel free to check out this article on How to Get Skinny, How to Stay Skinny.

I hope you enjoyed, :-)

Lisa

About Lisa Johnson

Lisa Johnson here. I've been a personal trainer since 1997, a Pilates instructor since 1998 and the owner of Modern Pilates since 1999. I'm hoping to give you some good ideas to get or stay in shape with a healthy dose of humor and reality. Thanks for joining me.

8 Responses to How to Put on a Sports Bra

  1. bridget March 5, 2010 at 3:07 pm #

    Finally read it all the way through. I am still stuck on #3. hehehe. Thanks for the twitter add. :) happy day to you!

  2. Clear Strap Bra April 3, 2010 at 8:53 am #

    Umm..I don’t think wearing sport bra will be that hard. Anyway, thanks for sharing this!

  3. meg ford July 14, 2010 at 9:21 pm #

    I can so relate to this. What a great post!

  4. Lisa Johnson July 14, 2010 at 9:24 pm #

    almost all women can relate, the one’s who can’t relate look spectacular in backless dresses. lol

  5. Kerri July 14, 2010 at 9:26 pm #

    “distribute and align” bwahaha! love it. I really love Title nine for curvy girls too.

  6. Avinash September 2, 2010 at 7:31 am #

    Nice.

  7. Hollie December 21, 2011 at 1:07 pm #

    The next question is …how do I get it off?

  8. Lisa Johnson December 21, 2011 at 2:02 pm #

    LOL … good point … L–

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